Let’s talk about relationship roles
What’s a relationship role?? Well:
It’s the institutionalized idea of what a girlfriend/boyfriend/fiancé/wife/husband/partner is. It’s all wrapped up in gender roles and the idea that a relationship is about what you GET from someone.
(Really, it’s about what you share. Intimacy, mutual respect, fun, time.)
Easy example: You should pay for meals when we go out because you’re my boyfriend. (Obviously a little outdated)
More nuanced example: We should share the same bed because we’re married. (What if I told you that you don’t have to 😉)
A lot of pain comes from assumed expectations. Even Shakespeare in Alls Well That Ends Well said "Oft expectation fails, and most oft there where most it promises."
Expectations are also the reason some people are afraid of being in relationships. “I don’t want a boyfriend b/c I don’t want to _____” Then don’t!
You get to choose what you want your love to look like! Isn’t that fun?